leaves me running BLIND [[ NOONOO ; M ]]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

searching for you
I SEE ONLY SHADOWS

It wasn’t hard to make Vera upset now. Vera on his new medications to give him his sight back. It was easy to get him pissed. And while he was in a good mood after the sweet, passionate love with Noah earlier, he was still depressed. He had been contemplating this ever since he had raped the boy that claimed his heart, and he wasn’t about to go back now. So clearly, when one of the guards bumped into him, he got upset. It wasn’t too bad, Vera could handle it. But as he got a cup of water, someone else had to hit the cup. He glared at her, but he didn’t even know who it was. And then there she was. Felicity. She was with Aly, but he was silent. Vera could tell she was, Aly’s cane had dug into his foot.. he’d forgive it, though he pulled a face at the pain. Felicity gasped, he could tell she was pissed. ”Watch it, bat-boy.” She sneered at him, he could tell from the sound of her voice. ”Hasn’t anyone told you not to pull faces, yours is already ugly enough.” She huffed and pulled Aly away.

Vera looked down and leaned against the wall, rubbing his foot. It still hurt. He looked up and whispered an apology, wondering if the Russian was still there. Tears stung his eyes and his lip quivered, and he ran. He ran to Angeleena’s dorm.

---

”VERA!?” Leena gasped, pulling the blanket up over her chest as she was jolted awake by a sharp pain to her stomach. Vera was pushing hard on her. ”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
”I want acid. FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME.” He began to push harder, making the Spaniard scream in pain as she pulled away, not bothering to hold the blanket up to her bare body since she knew he couldn’t see. Screaming at him in Spanish, she shoved a tiny box with a paper of laced candies. Tears were streaming down both of their faces.
”I NEVER WANT TO FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN, VERA! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” She threw her pillow at him as he left and slammed the door, burying her face in the other one and screaming into it, trying hard not to throw up.

---

Vera had swallowed the candies already, and already color was flooding into his eyes. He stumbled into Noah’s dorm, touching the bed as he reached under it, pulling out the bottle of Jack Daniels that he knew Noah had. And with that, Vera was gone. Up to the roof. His fingers traced along the wall, until he made it. Up 4 flights of stairs, and now everything was bright. He could see everything and nothing as the LSD had began to affect him. With a loud yell, he looked up to the sky. He saw it, his father beating his mother, and as that vision kept plaguing him, he downed the alcohol more and more, until he finally finished off the half bottle. With another yell, he smashed it against the ground, though as he fell to his knees, he couldn’t hold himself up. As the drugs mixed in his system, he puked. Over. And over again. All over the roof. He cursed the pain loudly, running his hands over the broken glass before grabbing a large piece and running it along his entire body, the tears beginning to rub his face raw. He threw the glass down and walked across it, stumbling so that the shards dug into his feet. The alcohol in his system pushed him over the edge as he screamed and bolted. ”YOU PROMISED YOU’D NEVER HURT HER!!” He gracefully pushed off of the roof, something he was surprised he could do, being as intoxicated as he was.

........
Outfit: here
Words: 637
Tagged: noah
Lyrics: running blind . t.A.T.u.
Notes:
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.

[NOAH LUKAS HENRIKSSON]

BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU BURNT OUT
(found yourself in her arms somehow)

The air was still warm as the lone Swede sat on the grass. It had been a beautiful day. The sun had shone and there had not been a cloud in the sky. The dusk was beautiful. A beautiful red – orange had taken over the whole sky and made it look like a fruit smoothie, like a mango and passion fruit Frapp you could by in Starbucks.

His pale fingers strummed away on the hard string of his guitar. The blonde hummed along to the tunes he was trying to create. It was all in his head. Each pitch, rhythm change and note all already had a life of their own. It was a twisted love song, a song about hate and hurt. It had come to Noah in his latest nightmare, the images of Vera hurting him playing over and over and he turned in his sleep. It was something of a requiem to their love, it had all fallen apart. Love for them had once been a gorgeous, lively thing but now it was in tatters. It was something dark, just like the lyrics that would soon voice this melody.

The stars were coming out to play over Stanfield now as the young blonde sat his guitar down on lush grass beside him. Noah’s grey eyes followed a raindrop as it danced down from the heaven’s to meet its fate on the grass. It was time to go in Noah thought; it would just give him the cold if he sat out in the rain. Picking up his guitar Noah made his way back to the safety of his dorm.

There was clearly something different about the dorm he returned too. Someone had been here, not that long ago too. The blonde racked his brain trying to think who would raid his dorm like this. It suddenly clicked. Vera.

Frantically Noah began raiding his room for anything Vera could have taken. There were lots of illegal things in here that the medicated boy would have loved to get his hands on. The Morphine was still here. So was the heroin, even the rigs hadn’t been touched. He sat in the dorm he had just turned upside down. He knew the boy was upset, he had even seemed off last night when they had spent their first night together for months. A ton of thoughts started swirling in his head. He had to find his beloved baby.

It was then he spotted it, the thing he had felt was missing. His bottle of Jack Daniels. The one he kept safely tucked under his bed for safe keeping. The bottle only Vera knew where it was kept. Noah scrambled to his feet. He began searching. He ran down the corridors screaming his baby’s name. He looked everywhere, frantically running with tears streaming down his face; looking in every room each one turning out to be a bigger disappointment than the last.

There were not many places left to search now. Every place just seemed to lead to another dead end. Noah was losing faith in finding him here in the Asylum. Perhaps the other Swede had found a way out. His feet hit the ground hard as he ran up the flights of stairs towards the roof. This was one of his last hopes.

All his deepest fears were realised on the roof. There was his baby. His baby was intoxicated. It broke Noah’s heart. There was sick everywhere, the blonde Swede not caring as he wandered through it barefoot; it was the quickest way to where he needed to be. He was crying now, there was no way he could hold it in anymore. “Vera…” he called out, his voice strained by the tears. His hearted pounded as he saw his baby gracefully take off from the roof on which they were both stood. He screamed out, lurching forward trying to stop him from doing this. He managed to grab the others wrist, pulling him back before topping over onto the cold concrete. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything. The silence said enough.

[/color]
[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]
_{(and i get what is left)
ASHES OF A CIGARETTE} [/center]
notes} longest post, like ever.
tagged} Vera
words} 685
outfit}
credit} song is ashes by Christen Sawyer template to RAWR!? of caution.[/font][/sub]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

searching for you
I SEE ONLY SHADOWS

For a moment there, everything was perfect. For just a split second, as the rain and air whipped through his cropped, brown hair, Vera felt like he was flying. The drugs certainly helped.It felt like he was being carried by the hand of some higher power to the stars for hours, before he suddenly felt something warm grab onto him. That's when it hit him. There was no ground under his feet. His body went limp as he got pulled back onto the roof and the jolt caused him to get sick again. With a clumsy motion, he wiped his mouth, not even knowing who was holding him as the rain started to pick up.

For a moment there, Vera didn't even care. Someone had saved him from his blind rage, and that person, at least for now, owned his heart. His breath was erratic, he had no idea what he was trying to do. He never intended on killing himself, or at least attempting... Hell, Vera didn't even know if he was alive. The shock of hitting the roof may have been him hitting the ground... and perhaps now... oh god, how he hoped he had died and was in his mother's arms again. As he could feel his stomach ready to empty itself yet again, though, he realized that he was still alive. He leaned over once more, the tears only stopped because it hurt too bad to keep crying. Not just mentally, but physically as well.

He was covered in blood, though the ran was doing a good enough job of washing him off as he clung tight to whomever was holding him. His feet were covered in puke and glass, but he didn't even feel it. All he felt was the mental pain and the raw skin trailing down his face from the tears. He leaned over and dry heaved, there was nothing left in his stomach to puke up.

His wide, now dull eyes were searching for the face that belonged to his savior. "Tala mig jag är död..." His voice was soft, strained. It was obvious that he had just spent most of the day crying... and the good portion of the past fifteen minutes puking.

"Jag måste vara. Jag kan inte vara vid liv..." He rest his cheek against the boy's chest and allowed himself to rock carefully. "Jag kan inte leva med vad jag gjorde.."

........
Outfit: here
Words:
Tagged: noah
Lyrics: running blind . t.A.T.u.
Notes: -"tell me i'm dead."
-"i must be. i can't be alive."
-"i can't live with what i've done"
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.

[NOAH LUKAS HENRIKSSON]

BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU BURNT OUT
(found yourself in her arms somehow)

The rain poured down now. It almost felt like a monsoon to the youngest Swede. The tears falling down his face made it worse. Noah couldn’t even tell what was rain and what was his own tears anymore but he didn’t care. He was trying to work out what had actually just happened. He was shaking lightly; hold the body of the other boy tightly to him. This boy was everything to him. He loved him so. A number of thoughts ran through his head. ‘Did Vera even love him if he had tried to end it all? How could Vera even think of leaving him, after all they’d been through?’ Noah shook his head; it was terrible to think all these selfish thoughts. He knew what the boy had done, what he was capable of doing. It scared him but he loved him.

The youngest rubbed small circles into his baby’s back as he watched him dispose the contents of his stomach He didn’t even seem to care the vomit was also covering him now. He just kept rubbing small circles trying so hard not to cry. The other needed him now; Vera needed him to be strong. Noah spotted the glass in Vera’s feet. He winced, he could feel it jagging, and it hurt him to see the other in pain. His hand moved, slowly, unsure that what they were doing was the right thing. Noah began slowly to pull the bigger bits of glass out of his baby’s foot.

The rain was getting heavier now; Noah could hear a slight roll of thunder somewhere in the distance. He noticed Vera had stopped vomiting but Noah still kept rubbing soft circles. He let the other just lie in his arms. He held him, never wanting to let him go. He felt Vera’s eyes searching for whoever saved him. Noah moves the hair out Vera’s face and wiped the sick from his mouth. “No sweetie you not dead, your safe, your safe here in my arms.”

_{(and i get what is left)
ASHES OF A CIGARETTE}

notes} saved <3
tagged} Vera
words} 337
outfit}
credit} song is ashes by Christen Sawyer template to RAWR!? of caution.[/sub]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

searching for you
I SEE ONLY SHADOWS

The rain didn't matter anymore, Vera didn't care that he was soaked. Any other day and he would. For now, though, nothing. His mind was that of a blank slate as he sat in the rain, in the other's lap when suddenly he realized. He knew who this boy was. He cling even tighter to him, whimpering in pain as he continued to dry heave, as the effects of the LSD grew stronger and stronger and as the drunk his him faster and faster. He fell limp in the boy's arms, though he was still alive... painfully so. He touched his hand to the other's heart.

"Noah, it hurts so bad..." His speech was slurred and very carefully he ran his hand along Noah's cheek. He moaned loudly, leaning against Noah's chest again. He was covered in vomit, his cuts were bleeding again, but his breathing and his heartbeat were somewhat normal. He winced and moaned as each bit of glass was pulled from his foot, his judgment clouded by the drugs. He pretended that he was in his mother’s lap, curled up like a baby as he held onto Noah’s hands. "I’m so sorry, Noah.” He leaned up in an attempt to kiss the other, hoping that their lips would meet. "So.” He kissed again. "Very.” One more kiss. "Sorry.” He ended with a kiss, looking up to Noah with dead, dizzy eyes.

He held tight to the other, more thankful than not that he had saved his life, especially since this was the one time he had actually leapt from the ledge in a fit of anger and depression. So many other times, he was able to remember Noah’s hugs and kisses, but lately, he hadn’t been able to remember how they felt. As it was, all he could fear in the other’s voice, the other’s presence was fear, anger, and there was even a hint of hatred in there. But… tonight, as he sat cradled like a baby in Noah’s arms, he could hear the love again. He could hear the Noah he adored. "I love you, Noah." He kept his hand against the other’s heart, for once, loving the rain. It showed him that he was alive. "Hold me in your arms forever, Noah?"

........
Outfit: here
Words:
Tagged: noah
Lyrics: running blind . t.A.T.u.
Notes:
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.