``Log Me Out {of reality}__Calix*

[CERO JOSEPHINE NINE]

--- CERO - NICOLETTE - CECE ---

There were some people who would question the wisdom of a young girl slipping out alone, to a normally deserted pool side that was fairly isolated from the rest of the grounds, in the dimming hours of sunset. Hell, she herself wondered how stupid she was to go through with this plan. But what must be done, must be done, no matter the costs to her own person. So all Cero could do was clutch her sketchbook to her chest tighter, like it was an impenetrable shield against the outside world's many dangers, and pray that she would remain the only person out here tonight.

Yeah, right.
With her luck, she was likely to get attacked by someone else sooner than later the one time she was out in the open. Oh well, if she got assaulted, it wasn't like she'd be able to do anything about it. Her current mind would retreat, and she'd leave the rest of the handling to the other two in her head. They knew what they were doing more than she did half the time, so much so that Cero often wondered why she was the designated proper 'owner' of her body and not Cece or Nicolette. Sitting down cross-legged on the slick stone that lined the pathetic attempt at a pool - honestly, it was just a rectangle-shaped box filled with murky water that was covered with a nice, thick layer of dead leaves and insect corpses and God knew what else - she relaxed her arms enough that she could open the cover of her book.

The first few pages were covered with half-finished sketches; to the untrained eye, they appeared to be nothing more than a sprawl of twisting graphite lines of varying lengths, thicknesses, and shades. But if you looked - and really looked - closely, you could pick out the forms that were meant to be portrayed in the masses. It was her personal style as an artist: to create an overall, extremely rough outline that held no substance or material on its own, then redefining the contours that she wanted until a shape was taken upon. But all of these were meaningless preworks. Subjects she'd tried, then tossed after only just finishing deciding what they would turn out to be. None of them had appealed to her, or - more importantly - Moby. That frustrating, mute, red-headed little boy who had been nagging at her for almost three months now to finish a painting for him. That wasn't the hard part. The hard part, was that he wouldn't just come out and tell her what it was he wanted done. He'd just let her work for a time, look over her shoulder, then shake his head, bringing them back to square one. Which was why she was out by the pool today; to see if she couldn't find some inspiration to creating something that her invisible buddy thought suited his fancy. Hopefully, they'd make some progress at last!

``Tag: Calix
``Status: Complete
``Words: 500
``Outfit: Click!
``Notes: Hrm...I'll make this template prettier later!
Now let's get this show on the road! XD
``Credits: Template (C) Lu L.

[CALIX ARTEMAS STEFANOS]

You’d think going outside to see nature and get some imagery to use when drawing wouldn’t be so hard right? Just going outside and wandering around for most people was normal and simple, but when you’re an agoraphobic teenager it’s scary as hell. Calix found himself standing at the door that led outside for the sixth time in two hours and gripped tight to the sketch-book in his hands. His lip was chewed and raw from his attempting to get into the outside world and he was tempted to do what he’d done all the other times and run back up to his dorm where he was safe and didn’t have to worry about getting away fast. He needed to go out, needed to see the scenery to have more to draw but he didn’t want to go out there because it was big and had very few places to escape to when you went far enough to get anything worth drawing.

He’d begun this ‘adventure’ when the sun was just heading toward going down, figuring not many people would be around and he’d be ok since he only needed to go out and see everything. The sun was setting now and he needed to move fast or he’d be back at this door tomorrow trying again to get outside to see anything worth seeing. A deep breath in and he pushed the door open, passing a toe outside before drawing it back and letting the door close once again. ok…remember nothing is going to hurt you…nothing is waiting out there to get you…nothing that crack-pot doctor told you is worth repeating this much…ugh he squeezed his eyes shut tight and pushed himself forward and out into the night air only cracking them a little once out there to avoid running into a person…or some object that could seriously hurt if run into. He didn’t like this, the shaking had already begun as he fought to keep moving away from the building not just circling back into it where he felt safe.

Once he was sure he was away from the tempting sight of the doors he pushed his eyes open the whole way and looked around, realizing he was lost. Well it was hard to get lost on the grounds of the place you lived for normal people, but Calix had very rarely gone out of the school it’s self and so had no real idea what was out here. He looked around and felt his breathing hitch up a bit as he fought the on-coming panic attack. no…no….no…oh god… his steps picking up he damned near fell into the pool in front of him in his rush to find a path or way to go that would lead to somewhere with some trees so he could let himself run back inside and stay there for a few months. Maybe even spend those months in the dorm room it’s self if the teachers, therapists, and guards wouldn’t drag him out. Unlikely but a good dream all the same. Looking around he took in the gross water, and the person sitting by it his eyes going a little wide. Oh! Um…sorry…I’ll…getting images. he mumbled and shuffled his feet a bit where he stood still fighting the ever-growing urge to go back inside. He was realizing that there weren’t many people out, that made it easier, but it was getting dark and he should have waited for a better day to do this, one where the outside was “interesting” rather than terrifying.



TAGGED ** Cero
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 591
OUTFIT ** click to see
LYRICS ** Fireflies – Owl City
NOTES ** The show must go on! And this will be fun xP
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie.

[CERO JOSEPHINE NINE]

--- CERO - NICOLETTE - CECE ---

There was this thing with the girl, where as soon as her pencil touched paper, the entire left half of her brain went on autopilot and only the right hemisphere actively functioned. What did this mean? It meant that Cero, would be totally and absolutely absorbed in her work, which then meant that she would be inattentive to the world around her, making her more susceptible to being surprised by a sudden presence (which may, in reality had she been paying attention, not have appeared all that suddenly). Such was the price she had to pay for being so inclined. But hey, at least it got her some pretty good pieces of artwork, and the voices that usually contested to be heard in her head were silenced. It was into this trance-like state that she now entered as she scribbled furiously at her sketchpad, eyes barely lifting from time to time to focus on the random objects that she was committing to paper. There was no rhyme or reason - forget any order! - to the quickly coagulating mass of gray on her lap; she was throwing down lines until she got at least the general area of the desired image (as of yet unknown) covered.

It was also in this state, that she was interrupted by the worst possible....thing....out there. One moment she'd been peacefully drawing away, then next the sound of footsteps and another's voice - a very suspiciously deep voice at that - broke through her concentration. At first, she was annoyed and looked up with a frown of displeasure to see who it was that dared to jerk her out of her little world. But then, she saw exactly what it was that had happened upon her, and screamed. It wasn't bloodcurdling, or anything like that, but it was a good loud yell all the same. Both from surprise and the instinctive fear that always rose within her whenever she was around one of them, Cero dropped her book to the side (not the side with water thankfully), and scrambled back, still somewhat seated, as far as she could get from it. Eyes wide and carrying the expression of a deer caught between a wall and a hungry lion, she froze where she was and simply stared up at him for a moment.

Okay, so perhaps it - or rather, he, for the danger she sensed was no more than what appeared to be a fellow student of the male gender - was not so threatening as her overactive, schizo-brain perceived. Still, he had sneaked up on her at the worst possible time, even if he did it without meaning to, and he most definitely was in the possession of a male's anatomy, which was an automatic repellent for an androphobe like her. Not even the doctors could figure out why she'd suddenly developed that problem once she got to the institution. Most people who were associated with that particular phobia had a history of some sort of an abuse or traumatic event take place at the hands of a man. Her on her other hand? Nothing of the sort. Perhaps it was simply knowing that she was no longer in an environment were the boys could be counted on to be at least somewhat sane and civilized. At Stanfield, anything went.

It took another full second before the apologizing began. "I-I-I'm so-so-rry I....I didn't th-th-think s-some...one...you....th-that i-i-is......w-was gonna us-use this p-p-place a-as well...." she stammered out, curling her legs up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them, pulling herself into a ball. She looked about ready to cry. Fearful brown eyes watched his every move, waiting to see if he would react in anger - it'd be no less than what she'd expect from a male around here - and trying to get her brain to come up with an escape route if he did.
Oh where were those two stupid alter-egos when she needed them most?

``Tag: Calix
``Status: Complete
``Words: 664
``Outfit: Click!
``Notes: lolz Aww, she's even more freaked now than he is! 83
``Credits: Template (C) Lu L.

[CALIX ARTEMAS STEFANOS]

He hadn’t be diagnosed as afraid of crowds, but he put it up to one of his already named issues such as the agoraphobia as to why he liked avoiding groups of people so much. One person though he was ok with as long as they weren’t going to be joined by fifteen, or well any number higher than five, friends shortly after he got to wherever they were. He could handle up to five people in a room if there was space in a room for him to not be too crowded by them. After that he stuck close to the exits or got himself out of there as fast as his legs would allow. And why was he thinking about this little issue at the moment when there were bigger and worse things going on? Well because thinking about the bigger and worse was about enough to bring on the panic attacks he hated. Being outside was scary as hell and if it were for anything other than his art he’d have said “nope sorry forget it” to even the thought of going out into the world. His art though was his passion and life and so he would do what it took and then tell the doctors he was “getting better” when really not just to get them off his back about it all.

The girl he’d stumbled upon was unfamiliar to him and she seemed to be drawing? Was she a fellow artist making use of scenery to add interesting aspects to her work? Or just for muse as to what to draw at all? He blinked eyes widening and taking a quick step back at her scream. His head whipped around as his heart kicked into shocked over-drive while he tried to figure out what had caused the reaction. Oh he should have just stayed in the building…so much safer with less places for scary things to lurk in the growing shadows. His eyes scanned their surroundings heart gradually slowing as he realized he was the only thing in the general area she’d been looking toward when she’d screamed. His head slowly spun back to her, his grip on his own sketch-pad tight as it had been since he’d come outside. Calix just couldn’t stand to go anywhere without it in truth because art was one of very few things that could calm him down at least a little. Or distract him from what was going on, though his sketchbook also held many pictures of people he’d seen through his window or when forced to go to classes and things. He used those pictures to show people he’d seen them before, because he wasn’t ever sure how to actually start a conversation.

His head tilted to the side as he watched her, amazed to find fear rolling off her in nearly visible waves and realizing it was actually because of him. His surprised expression was nearly comical as he blinked and shook his head gently and took another small step back feeling like an intruder, and somehow like a villain in a movie for scaring the woman. Wasn’t that what the villain’s did? Scare people for no real reason at all? Well no they scared them because they were mean and normally wanted everyone afraid of them. He chewed his lip listening to her and realizing the fight in his mind as to whether to run back inside or stay outside was still raging now that he’d gotten over the shock of her reaction to him. Part of him took her reaction to mean that he should definitely be back inside his dorm where he was safe, knew his surroundings, and where he wouldn’t be snagged. He was used to pain, being treated like a pet rather than a person, but that didn’t mean he always liked it. It was just how he’d grown up and what he expected. I didn’t plan to…I just got lost…I’m sorry for startling you… he answered to her his voice soft and holding a hint of his own fear as he brought his arms up to wrap around himself his eyes still scanning the area around and his muscles tensed from the urge to run fast back to his dorm.



TAGGED ** Cero
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 711
OUTFIT ** click to see
LYRICS ** Fireflies – Owl City
NOTES ** He's not sure how to take her being scared of him xP
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie.

[CERO JOSEPHINE NINE]

--- CERO - NICOLETTE - CECE ---

Now she was confused.
He was backing up? He was looking around in a panicked manner? He was apologizing to her? Of course, this could all be an act, and he just happened to be one of those people who was exceptionally good at pulling off a hoax, so she shouldn't take this as a good sign or anything, nor should she loosen up just because he'd yet - stressing the word YET - to attack her. "Oh puh-lease sister dah-ling!" And there, was the drama princess, making herself heard at last. Never before had Cero been so glad for her twin's voice to distract her from the present moment; Nicolette was a pain, but right now, she was possibly the best thing ever. For you see, while Cero was painfully awkward around people, and thought men were all spawns of the anti-christ, Nicci was the exact opposite. Had her sibling survived to this day and age, she'd be a social little butterfly, prancing from one circle of friends to the other and changing boys like she would clothes. Flirty, fighty, and vain, everything Cero was not. "Okay, so you hate anything breathing and with a dick, I get that, but do you have to make it that obvious? I mean, hullooooo, you just screamed bloody-murder when you saw him! Poor boy must think he's offended you in some way. I mean, look at the state he's in! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! And he's not even half-bad looking. In fact, y'know what, I do believe we can categorize him under adorable. Add some droopy ears, a tail, and he'd make the perfect puppy!"

On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good thing that she was awake and speaking again.
Sometimes, Cero didn't get what Nicci saw in men. They were scary, plain and simple! Nothing more to them. Oh sure they had a handsome face, but that was all a part of the trap. They lure you in with their pretty looks and charming manners, and before you know it you're tossed out on the side of the street with a broken heart and wanting to die. Not just that, they were such violent brutes too!

But maybe...she looked up at him, scrutinizing him carefully. The tone he'd used when he'd talked had been quiet, and even fearful (of what? surely not her! what possible harm could she do to him?), and the stand he was in suggested that he desperately didn't want to be where he was. Maybe, just maybe this once, she should listen to her sister and give this guy the benefit of the doubt? Despite her mind's immediate rejection to this course of action, some small part of her brain was telling her to go for it. Meanwhile, her twin was prattling on, ignoring the fact that the one she was addressing had long since tuned her out. "I'm telling you Cero, you're missing out on a lot because of that stupid fear of yours. What was it called again? Anro, Ando, Anmor...ah, A-something-phobia! Why on earth would you even develop that problem in the first place! Gods, I dunno how I could possible have ever come from the same egg that you did. I mean, he's even got a sketchbook like yours. Here I thought you liked all things art related; since when did boys become exempt to that hm?"

Sketchbook? At that one word, the girl perked up immediately, and her eyes zoned in to focus on the suspiciously sketchbook-looking object that her subject of interest was holding in his arms. Was that so then? Anyone who drew couldn't possibly be all that bad. Hesitantly, she half rose, paused, then straightened entirely. Shuffling her feet a bit, Cero stayed where she was, maintaining the distance between them, but when she spoke, she no longer stuttered as badly as she had before, nor did she sound on the verge of a hysteric breakdown.
It seemed that Nicci had some uses of her own after all.
"Um...i-it's alright. I'm just....it's just...you're, y'know, a guy and um...I-I have a problem....with...with men, so...." she cleared her throat, not looking at him. "S-sorry about....screaming at you....just...just now...."

That done, she slowly made her way over to where she'd discarded her own book of drawings and retrieved it, all the while keeping her gaze locked on anything but him. But she couldn't keep that up for long could she? Not without seeming outright rude and....well, crazy. And she certainly didn't want to come off as that last part. With some force of will, she managed to fix her eyes on the male, the small movement causing her hands to reflexively tighten around her 'shield'. "...s-so um....are you, y'know....an artist a-as well?"

``Tag: Calix
``Status: Complete
``Words: 795
``Outfit: Click!
``Notes: Can you say AWKWARD much? >P
``Credits: Template (C) Lu L.

[CALIX ARTEMAS STEFANOS]

Calix was seriously starting to think coming out here was the dumbest idea he’d thought of or even been part of since that party where he was tied to the bed and…well it was just a bad night that time and so was this. He should have stayed in his dorm, googled more pictures and used those images in his mind instead of getting that stupid idea of ‘hey it’s getting dark, we can run out, take a look and run back really fast without any problems!’ which was obviously wrong. He blinked when the girl spoke again, wondering for a moment if he’d just been called “sister dah-ling” but figuring this girl wasn’t quite that weird…though there were some weird people around here to be honest. He opened his mouth to ask her to repeat herself, maybe he’d just heard wrong? But she was speaking again and it seemed…maybe she was talking to herself? His head tilted just a bit further and a foot shuffled back to move him further away from this person wondering if maybe she was talking to herself, she wouldn’t realize he was gone till after he was safely back in the building, in his dorm, and under his bed? Maybe? He picked up a little of what she said, further confused by the words blinking when she said he was categorizable as adorable. Well complements came in all forms, not that he ever understood them or expected them.

Watching her warily he slid his second foot back to where the first had gone putting that step of distance further between them and frowning a little when she said he’d make the perfect puppy. Well now that was something he’d heard before and it caused him to carefully wrap his arms around himself as the voices filtered into his head. Oh look isn’t he so cute like a little puppy? Shall we keep the puppy brother? Can we keep him and play with him? the voice of his foster sister sliding through his mind caused him to shiver and look down at his feet, the memory of her and his foster brother were scary ones filled with pain, pleasure, and many things that had earned him some of his mental problems. They’d been the ones who’d taught him to gain pleasure from causing and feeling pain, and had been the ones who’d brought out the side of him that at times craved public sex or publicly showing himself. They’d been his master and mistress and he’d done whatever they told him too like a good critter. That’s what they’d called him, critter. His eyes squeezed shut tight and he tried hard to focus on something else as the doctors had told him too when his mind went too far down this path. Of course shifting his focus brought him back to the current situation of being in way too open a space and with a strange girl who was talking to herself and terrified of him for no real reason other than that he was there as far as he could tell.

Opening his eyes again he looked at her, heard her speaking again and his head tilted to the side once more as this time he paid attention to the words being spoken. It might have been rude, but why talk out in the open like this if you didn’t want your conversation heard? Cero…was that a name or just some word he didn’t know? He wouldn’t be asking to find out right now, didn’t think it was appropriate of him to question her. Some sort of phobia? Well maybe that explained her sudden fear of him, was she afraid of people too? Normally for him though it was groups of people or crowds, might not be the same thing…then again he could misunderstanding the whole thing. Wouldn’t be the first or last time that happened. When she mentioned his sketch book he glanced down at it gripping a little tighter and watching his knuckles go white. Thank god it had a hard outer cover or he’d have ruined it by now for sure. He looked back up at the girl to find her eyes on his book as his had been and blinked curious why it seemed so interesting to her. Well she’d been drawing too he’d thought so maybe she was just curious about a fellow artist? Or if she was writing instead of drawing maybe she just liked art? He couldn’t be sure really but he didn’t think it had looked like she was writing.

He watched as she moved, seeming unsure of her decision to get out of her huddled up position over there and stayed still, just watching not moving and without realizing he was doing it not breathing either. That was going to be a problem in a moment but he’d face it when he realized. Her voice was better when she spoke, not quite as scared the thought, more just nervous? He never claimed to be the best judge of character and oh crap that breathing problem now had his lungs screaming as he sucked in a quiet but deep breath. He needed to stop doing that, during a panic attack he always forgot to breath and it normally left him gasping, choking on the air he pulled in to save himself, and panicking more. Not good. He nodded to her working on bringing his breath back to normal for a moment before answering her, Uh…yeah I am…you know a guy…but I wasn’t like…I wouldn’t hurt you…I don’t even know you…and even if I did I just…I’m not a fan of violence? he mumbled pausing too often for breaths that still hadn’t quite evened out but he was getting better. He shook his head a little when she apologized for screaming at him, no it’s ok…you didn’t hear me come over…you took me by surprise too. he said giving a smile he hoped looked calming rather than scary? He didn’t want her to scream again because really there was only so much more he could take before he’d be running faster than the wind back into the building. He stayed still as she walked over to pick up her book and tried not to let his feet fidget as they tended to do when his mind was screaming at him he should be running back to safety. His arms around him helped a little, he felt more compact, less a target even though if they were at his sides he’d still not be all that big. He was just a small guy and couldn’t help it. Her question earned a nod as he chewed his bottom lip. Yeah, I’m an artist. I’m guessing since you said as well that you’re one? I didn’t mean to interrupt your drawing time… he said reaching up to scratch the back of his neck looking a little guilty since he felt it inside. He wasn’t the best at hiding his emotions and right now wasn’t even thinking of it to try.



TAGGED ** Cero
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** too many?
OUTFIT ** click to see
LYRICS ** Fireflies – Owl City
NOTES ** Poor Calix is like O.o wtf?
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie.

[CERO JOSEPHINE NINE]

--- CERO - NICOLETTE - CECE ---

Now that she looked at him closer, he really didn't seem at all like the type of guy who would engage in violence. He was slight, smaller than most of the boys she'd seen around, but not so skinny as the anorexics. Plus, he looked about as petrified of this situation as she was. Both of them were clutching at their respective sketchbooks like the objects were buffers between them, and both appeared about ready to bolt at the slightest mis-step on the other's part. It was knowing this that allowed her to somehow force her mouth to tilt up a the corners in an answering smile; it was a small grin, barely noticable if you didn't look closely, but at least it was an attempt on her part to be friendly. An uneasy giggle came out when he admitted to being a guy and how he wouldn't have harmed her. "Th-that's...what they all....s-say y'know...." she stuttered, shifting her gaze nervously away from his, then glancing back.

"But...but I'll...b-believe you...on th-that one...." Another pathetic try at a smile. Hopefully, he'd overlook how fake the gesture was and understand that was the best she could do at that point. Not that she was one of those people who went around with a constant grin plastered on their face; she wasn't capable of maintaining such an awkward expression for any period of time. So even if she hadn't so freaked out right then, she probably still wouldn't have made very friendly company to be with. Hearing him question whether she was an artist, the girl nodded her head, but the movement quickly changed to a shaking motion when he apologized for intruding on her. "No no! It's...it's fine, I....wasn't really...d-drawing anything....worthwhile..."

She felt a tugging on her shirt tail. Looking down at Moby, Cero raised a questioning brow at the small red-head. He was his usual mute self, but in a more agitated state for some reason. Was there something he wanted her to take note of? Or what? Seeing that he was jabbing the finger of his free hand at the opposite male, she followed the direction of the pointing, and sighed. In a tone that was decidedly more relaxed than any she'd used befre, the girl addressed her imaginary companion. "You, are such a child!" For the thing hat Moby had been motioning at so insistingly was the shirt that the other artist was wearing; the odd looking leaping monkey on the shirt's front to be specific. What, did he want that as his painting then? And here she'd been striving so hard to come up with a creative image to please the little tyke. Turns out she could've just sketched out a random picture of any cartoon character and Moby would've ben satisfied. 'note to self, never deal with children again!'

Frowning, she pondered how best to broach the subject to the 'model'. "Um....I know this'll sound really....odd, but....could you....let me borrow your shirt for a bit?" Her eyes widened as soon as the words were out of her mouth, and her head ducked down so her face was hidden by her sketchbook. "I-I-I mean....that didn't c-c-come out r-right!" Gah, she'd sounded like some perverted creep just then! No no no, that was not what she'd meant to say. "Th-that is....c-c-could you um...would you...th-that is....m-mind being....my m-model f-for a s-s-second...."

``Tag: Calix
``Status: Complete
``Words: 558
``Outfit: Click!
``Notes: I apologize for the this crap-tastic post! I am brain dead right now. DX
``Credits: Template (C) Lu L.