Lost and Found _ {Tavius}

[SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI]

Sune had been at the asylum for a week now, had already broken up more fights and little troubles than he could count on his two hands and kept getting lost in the schools halls no matter how sure he was that he was getting it right this time. They need to rig up some gps for this place… he thought for about the hundredth time as he came to a dead end of another hall and groaned loudly pressing his forehead against the wall in front of him. Ok he should have seen that coming way before reaching the end but he’d been lost in thought and so not paying attention. He’d actually been doing that way too much since arriving to be honest, thinking about anything but where he was going because he was sure he was actually headed the right way this time. What was on his mind was Tavius, and how he’d still not yet seen him since arriving. With his wandering around to keep things as calm as they could be and getting lost so often doing that you’d think he would have seen the male by now. Think was obviously the key-word there since it just didn’t seem to be anywhere near happening this century and that was frustrating him.

The only reason he’d come for the job here was Tavius, seeing him and making sure he knew he’d not stopped loving him in the time spent apart. Sune wasn’t the kind of guy who took things like love and relationships lightly, not when he grew up lacking any form of love and being basically ignored or verbally abused by those who were supposed to care for him. He didn’t say the words unless he meant them and he’d said them to Tavius. When the other had been taken…well he’d nearly ended up in a place like this himself if he hadn’t come back when he did there was no telling where he’d be today. The only problem was he’d come back afraid, hurt, and Sune blamed himself for that, for the whole damned mess actually. He should have been with him, should have made sure that couldn’t happen. Wasn’t your responsibility to protect those you loved when you had them in your life? He’d failed at that and now he was failing at finding him or even finding his way in this damned place. It couldn’t be that hard could it? really?


Moving away from the wall and turning back the way he’d come he chose a different direction to the way he’d come when he’d turned down this hall and kept walking. Things were looking a little familiar, that was good wasn't it? He was supposed to be making his way to the auditorium, something about an assembly or such that they wanted a few extra guards present at. He’d eventually get there if it took him half the day to find it. He’d set out early for just this reason. Reaching the end of another hall that turned left or right he glanced both ways and frowned. To the left he recognized more of the things in the corridor and remembered ending up in the mess hall so maybe if he went right? Deciding it was at least worth a try he turned that direction and waited to see what he’d find this time. Ending up outside of a set of doors he glanced around and sighed before pushing them open and stepping inside…so not what he was looking for. Judging from what he could see this was the infirmary, and while it was good to know where that was around here it was not where he was supposed to be right now. can’t I catch a break? come on…all I need to find is the auditorium and I’ve been there before…this should not be so hard. he grumbled to himself as he reached up rubbing his eyes in a gesture that was far too common for him and gave away the frustration he’d been keeping in check for the past few days now. The grunt that slipped past his lips as the door opened behind him tapping his back and forcing him to take a step further into the room was also a show of that frustration. Then again if he didn’t stand in front of doors he’d not have to worry about being hit by them right. sorry…I didn’t mean to stop in the way. he mumbled and lowered his hand slowly taking a slow breath and trying to decide if he should give in and find someone to ask or go back to his wandering.

TAGGED ** Tavius
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 777
OUTFIT ** clickclickclick!!!xP go panda go!
LYRICS ** Dashboard Confessional – Hands Down
NOTES ** i tried not to make it suck too bad but sometimes i lose that fight? xP
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie but since she’s ma sis she can hit me or something for usin it.

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[TAVIUS K. SUSUME]

I CAN STILL REMEMBER
WHEN WE LOVED EACH OTHER

Tavius was prone to hurting himself, whether by accident or on purpose it happened. People who knew him just expected it. After all, it didn't just start happening after the kidnapping. He'd always beena bit of a self harmer. It just got worse as time went by rather than better. For example, at this moment in time he was running from the bathroom wearing a simple enough outfit. There was a large and deep looking gash on his arm that he was covering with some toilet paper.

He hadn't wanted to do that. Ok, so he had wanted to hurt himself, but not that deep. He hadn't wanted to truely mark himself this time. He just wanted to do it. Just once. He didn't even want to bleed, just graze. Just break skin, and yet he'd cut too deep. He was bleeding, and he couldn't stop it. He wanted to cry. He didn't want to die now. He had Felix now. He didn't need to die. He didn't want to die anymore. At least, he didn't think he did. Not drastically. Not right now.

Quickly the asian teen stumbled through the corridors, his eyes brimming with tears as he sniffled and ran, before he skidded to a stop at the end of the right corridor. For a moment, he paused to catch his breath. It wasthen he glimpsed a familiar head of hair heading into the infirmary. His eyes widened just a fraction, was this another illusion? Wait, no, it couldn't be. He was sure he'd taken his meds. He had, hadn't he?

Taking a shaky breath Tavius slowly stumbled to the door of the infirmary and gave it a light and slightly hesitant push, suddenly wary of going inside. Feeling the door open he moved to step inside before stilling at the voice. He'd recognise it anywhere. That had to be Sune. Even the english words weren't fooling him. Trying to calm his body down, Tavius allowed his gaze to drift up to Sune and lock on the other, his wounded arm forgotten. "S-sune-Kun...?" he stammered.

THIS PIECE WAS WRITTEN USING FEW WORDS AND WAS DONE SO BECAUSE SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI IS GOING TO COME TO THE INFIRMARY AND REPLY! DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE COOKIE MADE THIS LAYOUT FOR THIS THREAD SPECIALLY!

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[SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI]

Getting lost wasn’t something sune did everywhere, just in places that had too many halls and rooms like this asylum did. He hadn’t yet figured out what to look for when getting from point A to point B because he’d been distracted in looking for Tav instead of paying attention to his surroundings. If he’d just pay attention to where he was going he’d be just fine but that was easier said than done. How he was supposed to focus on figure out where he was going when he had something better to look out for in the halls? He didn’t know. Ok now he could admit to maybe being a little obsessed, but it wasn’t the bad kind, it was the kind where he just really wanted to see the one he loved and so he kept looking for him.

The infirmary wasn’t where he’d wanted to be but it was a good location to store in his memory so he’d have to pay attention when leaving and hope he remembered that at least for now. He wasn’t that surprised someone was coming in here, it seemed like a place that would have a lot of visits for most of the students and patients around here. He turned to see who had come in and maybe even how badly they were hurt since he didn’t see any of the medical staff standing around and he could help if it wasn’t major. Who he saw though was a sight for sore eyes and he felt the smile touch his lips as he heard his voice. Taking a step toward him he nodded. Unless I have an evil twin running around yes… chuckles to show he’s kidding and without thinking puls Tavi in for a hug kissing his cheek lightly. It is good to see you again sukoshi mitsukai.

He looked at him, seeing a few changes but not anything that would make him unrecognizable to Sune, he would know Tavi anywhere no matter what. It was like finding his heart after losing it for awhile, he just looked at him and knew things were ok. What bothered him though was the toilet paper pressed to his arm, he could see red and knew what it must be having seen that before. oh tav…here sit…I’m sure I can find the things to help you if it’s not too deep… glances around trying to spot the bandages and cleaning things for the injury. He knew it was self inflicted, it was one of very few things he wished he could change about his love, that need to cut, that need to bleed. But he couldn’t and he accepted it as just another part of the male and did what he could to help him when he did it or he’d even a few times tried to prevent it.

TAGGED ** Tavius
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 476
OUTFIT ** clickclickclick!!!xP go panda go!
LYRICS ** Dashboard Confessional – Hands Down
NOTES ** poor idiot thinks things are good now…-petshim-
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie but since she’s ma sis she can hit me or something for usin it.

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[TAVIUS K. SUSUME]

I CAN STILL REMEMBER
WHEN WE LOVED EACH OTHER

Tavius never got lost. Never. The only time he ever did was when he escaped from Noa. He hadn't known where he was when he stumbled naked and bruised from the cold and empty warehouse. There'd been dried blood and cum all over his lower body, clear signs that he'd been a victim of rape. Yet the man who'd found him had touched him. THe foolish man of the law had scared him, making him scream.

He'd been so scared at that time. So fearing that the policeman was another of Noa's friends. Fearing he'd be taken back. Fearing he'd be raped again. It'd taken hours to calm him down. Gradually the length of time it took for someone to calm down was decreasing. Hopefully he could at least get a little better. He hoped he could anyway. He knew he had to get better for his sister. For his friends. For everyone back home.

And of course, he would have to get better for Sune and for Felix. The two he couldn't help but love. He wanted to get better for them. He wanted to help Felix and to get back to Sune. Or, at least he wanted to get back to Sune and tell him about everything. However, it didn't look like he had to. After all, Sune was stood in front of him. It was a surprise. A shock. He watched as the other turned to him before turning his head away.

Feeling the embrace he bit back a scream, his body tense. Fear instantly over took him. He wanted to scream and struggle and run, but he didn't want to hurt Sune. Tears stung his eyes as he struggled a little. "O-ore... i-iiya..." the young asian whimpered softly. He'd heard the other, that was why he'd spoken. Though his breathing was erratic as he struggled not to hyperventilate.

Whimpering he stared up at the taller male, his emerald green eyes wide. He knew the other had istantly recognised him. They had that lovers link, even now. Nothing could disguse them from one another. Hearing the other's 'commands' he quickly moved to sit down, holding the toilet paper tightly onto the wound. He watched carefully as the other looked around. He knew Sune would know he did it to himself. He knew he'd be in trouble.

THIS PIECE WAS WRITTEN USING FEW WORDS AND WAS DONE SO BECAUSE SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI IS GOING TO COME TO THE INFIRMARY AND REPLY! DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE COOKIE MADE THIS LAYOUT FOR THIS THREAD SPECIALLY!

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[SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI]

Sune was one of those guys who remembered a lot and noticed more than most. He was far too observant for his own good some said because he noticed things he shouldn’t at times. This time though he was glad for that trait in himself as he studied Tav, looking for signs that would tell him how the boy was doing. He’d not seen him in too long and worried he’d be too late to be a part of his life. He didn’t know tav’s feelings, didn’t know if being here had helped him or maybe done more damage or if it just hadn’t done much of anything at all. He should have done this sooner, should have come and been there for him but he’d respected Tav needing space, time, and to heal. He’d not wanted to stay away, and he’d not been able to any longer when he finally did come. He only hoped this wasn’t a mistake that would push Tav away from him somehow, he didn’t know what he’d do if he lost his love.

It was his observational skills that made him aware of the way Tav tensed up, and the signs of tears in his eyes. He pulled away faster than he’d have liked, put distance he didn’t want between him and his love in hopes that he’d calm down. It didn’t take a rocket-scientist to figure out he’d just freaked him out with that hug and anyone could tell from the way Tav was breathing that space right now was probably best. Give him room to breath and calm down. Moving around as Tav sat he got what he would need to clean and bandage his arm. He didn’t like seeing the boy this way, didn’t want to have to be bandaging a cut he was sure was caused by the one he was bandaging. He’d hoped that maybe he’d not do that anymore, maybe he wouldn’t feel the need when he was getting help for what bothered him? Sune found himself wondering if this place was helping Tav at all since it didn’t seem like a whole lot had actually been done for him if he was still so skittish and doing this.

He kept those thoughts to himself for now, not able to actually say anything since he’d only just found him and after so long away. He wondered if he still had rights to be concerned, worried, or to even be angry over Tav’s cutting after so long. He thought they were still in a relationship since neither of them had ended it, but he needed to know, to find out first. He set the gathered things to the side and gave Tav a smile, May I bandage that for you? he asked thinking it was probably better that he ask this time before touching him. he didn’t want to cause the boy to freak out again, didn’t want to make problems. He would keep his distance if that was needed because he loved him, because he wanted to be around him not pushing him away. He would take it easy, his being there was probably a surprise to Tav so he’d give him time to realize it was just him and that he wouldn’t hurt him. That he was really there.

TAGGED ** Tavius
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 552
OUTFIT ** clickclickclick!!!xP go panda go!
LYRICS ** Dashboard Confessional – Hands Down
NOTES ** sorry this post sucks >.<
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie but since she’s ma sis she can hit me or something for usin it.

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[TAVIUS K. SUSUME]

I CAN STILL REMEMBER
WHEN WE LOVED EACH OTHER

Years ago, when they'd met, Tavius had been a fairly normal boy. Yes he did drugs, yes he cut himself, but otherwise he was normal. Back when they had met, Tavius had been normal. He hadn't been troubled with schizophrenia. He hadn't been troubled with paranoia. He even went to sleep back then. But that felt so long ago to the young asian boy. True it was long ago when they had met, but he hadn't completely changed like this until Noa took him.

Upon the hug, he had been terrified. It was instinct to him now. To fear the touch of others. A year spent locked in the cold had done it. For in that year, every touch had caused him pain. He would either be beaten or raped. Most of the time it was the latter. All of the men seemed to want him. He was use to it, but that didn't make it any better. That, infact, made it worse. He bit down nervously on his lip as he looked down to the floor. He knew the other was observant.

Fearful green eyes stared up at Sune. He had gotten a little better being here, he now tolerated the doctors touching him and being near him no matter of their gender. But an out-of-the-blue hug like that, from a male no less. set him off again and made him panic. He didn't want to panic, why would he he loved Sune. But he still did.

Tavius watched as the items were placed beside him, his eyes glancing between Sune and the medical equiptment every few seconds, as though scared that something would happen. Truthfully he knew Sune would never physically hurt him, he hadn't ever done it before - not even with Tavius' cutting. But he was still scared. However, hearing Sune he slowly nodded his head.

THIS PIECE WAS WRITTEN USING VERY FEW xD WORDS AND WAS DONE SO BECAUSE SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI IS GOING TO COME TO THE INFIRMARY AND REPLY! DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE COOKIE MADE THIS LAYOUT FOR THIS THREAD SPECIALLY!

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[SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI]

Sune’s life hadn’t been perfect, actually it was a little toward the fucked up side of the tracks but he’d turned out ok he liked to think. Maybe he was a little more willing than most to play the nice guy role all the time though his temper did take off on it’s own when he was pushed too far. Overall though he thought he was nice and normal. He didn’t understand the urge to cut into your own skin, cause himself pain to erase something in his mind that was bothering him. It was just one of those things that hadn’t ever come to mind for him and he didn’t understand how those that did do it or think of it could. How would making yourself hurt more, making yourself bleed be a good thing? He’d seen Tavi do it how many times? It still made no sense and it upset him to be honest. Why was it that he could find help in adding scars to his skin but not in talking to him, letting him try to help?

It was one of those questions he could and had asked a million times but that he didn’t think he’d ever get an actual answer to. He would just have to settle for taking care of it, bandaging him, when it happened. It would always happen he thought as he waited for an answer. Seeing the nod he gently took Tavi’s arm and pulled away the toilet paper to see the cut. He picked up the things to clean it first and worked gently to make sure it wouldn’t get infected once bandaged. He tried not to do anything that would cause pain, but knew it was unavoidable. He would never cause harm to Tavi if it wasn’t something like this that could be avoided, he loved him too much to actually knowingly hurt him. he even tried not to things he knew would bother Tav. He wanted him happy, safe, and preferably both with him. Working quickly but carefully he kept stealing glances at his face, noting the changes to memory and happy to see there weren’t as many as he had worried.

He should have known that Tavi wouldn’t change too much in the time spent away from him, it wasn’t like he was going to go out and get tattoo’s all over his face or something. He’d just been worried he wouldn’t recognize or remember him, and had not known what he would do if that were the case. It wasn’t though, he’d known him on sight it seemed since Tav had said his name. Finished cleaning it be picked up the cream that would make it heal faster and put some gauze over it wrapping the bandage around to hold it in place. Finished he cleaned up what he’d used and threw away the blood covered toilet paper turning to give Tavius a smile, all better…for now he mumbled softly unsure how to act or what to say from the boy’s reaction to him earlier. He didn’t want to scare him again, but all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and hold him close.

TAGGED ** Tavius
STATUS ** Finished
WORDS ** 533
OUTFIT ** clickclickclick!!!xP go panda go!
LYRICS ** Dashboard Confessional – Hands Down
NOTES ** all betters ^_^
CREDIT ** Made by Suzie but since she’s ma sis she can hit me or something for usin it.

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[TAVIUS K. SUSUME]

I CAN STILL REMEMBER
WHEN WE LOVED EACH OTHER

It felt like such a long time had passed since he'd been normal, but it hadn't. Years ago, before the drugs, he'd been a normal child, but then the drugs came along and things went down hill from there. It was while he was taking the drugs when he began cutting on a regular basis. Waking up in hospital was nothing unusual for tavius. Either from an accidental overdose or cutting too deep. But he didn't seem to mind much. It all made him the happy person many remembered him as.

Now, however, he spent most of his time as a terrified little child. That was what he felt like anyway. Everything made him jumpy, anything could set him off in floods of tears. In all honesty, he felt pathetic, but there was nothing he could do about it. It was just the way he was. He'd always been fairly childish in a sense of emotions, he had always been prone to tears. But since Noa, those tears had began to fall more often, and harder. He hated it but there was nothing he could do about it.

He knew people wanted better for him. Wanted better of him, but it couldn't happen. It wouldn't happen. He didn't feel like he could ever be happy again. He wanted it, of course he did, everyone did. He just didn't beleve that he deserved it. He blamed himself for everything, absolutely everything, but was any of iit really his fault? Was it truthfully his fault all the sufferng and death that followed him?

No. It couldn't be all his fault. Other's had to at least share the blame. After all, he didn't control anyone. He didn't make them do anything, he didn't make them the way they were. He sniffled a little as he sat there, his eyes starting fixedly at the cleaning and covering items that Sune was going to use on his arm. He watched as Sune removed the tissue paper and carefully tended to the wound.

Tears formed behind the blonde's eyes as he sat there. He forced himself not to cry as the fairly deep cut was cleaned. He sniffled again before watching carefully as the now clean wound was covered with the gauze and bandages. He watched as the dirty tissues were binned before hugging his arm to his chest. Inching back a little he pulled his feet up so he was sat curled in a ball. "A-arigatou..." he thanked the other as he hugged his knees to his chest.

THIS PIECE WAS WRITTEN USING MORE <3 WORDS AND WAS DONE SO BECAUSE SUNE-KUSAI OROCHI IS GOING TO COME TO THE INFIRMARY AND REPLY! DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE COOKIE MADE THIS LAYOUT FOR THIS THREAD SPECIALLY!

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