oops ain't the right word ; [mouse-mayumi]

[JAZLYN LAISHA QI]

Jazlyn’s day started with the usual flushing pills down the toilet. She didn’t know if anyone knew what she did with them, that she disposed of them rather than taking them as she was supposed to. A part of her supposed that someone had guessed it by now, but then most of her behaviors related to something that wasn’t easily solved with medication. Sure, pills and stuff like that could hinder things like schizophrenia and maybe even insomnia, but lying and her pyromania and nicotine addiction didn’t really count. Nicotine patches weren’t nearly as good for stress as the cigarettes and lighter she always kept on her. And the lighter just served a double purpose. She was lost without it.

She was also probably better off without it. After all, she’d burned her fingers a couple of times today already, once catches a bit of hair on fire (her dorm room stunk because of that) and somehow managing to set off the fire alarms. Which sucked, because the dorms had been evacuated. So she’d had to hide her lighter in the pocket of her black Capri’s and head into the dreary July day. Summer was supposed to be hot and sunny, not cloudy and moist like this. Gray clouds were rolling in from the west somewhere, threatening a storm. She was dressed okay for the rain she was sure would begin pouring any minute, her black hoodie with the pink, headless bunny on front, the bunny’s head on the back, covering her t-shirt (which was the same as her hoodie with the colors reversed). Her boots were zipped over her jeans, reaching just below her knees, where they were buckled, the silver metal standing out against the black leather. She might not have the sense of fashion, but she was relatively comfortable.

The rain began just as everyone was heading back inside, having realized there was no real fire. Of course there wasn’t, Jazz was tempted to say, she’d been the one that had accidentally set it off. Although this was extremely different from the trash can she had basically made explode a few years ago; that had definitely not been an accident. The fire back then had also been much more impressive, huge and flaming – it had also burned her eyebrows off for a year. That was about the only thing that had sucked about the event. And the fact that it had been what had gotten her sent to this institute. Of course, Stanfield wasn’t all bad. No one really cared what people did around here. There was little supervision, if any, as far as she could tell.

Maybe that was why she walked into the wrong dorm room. She doubted she’d ever be sure why she had walked into 007 instead of 008, but she knew that it definitely wasn’t her room, and she definitely should have gone back to her room.

[MAYUMI FAEY KIMURA]

Mayumi was sitting upon her bed, just like she had all day. She had pulled up her sleeves to reveal thin pale arms. She traced the white lines that went along both arms. She was a cutter, but she had a different idea for today. She was going to see what would happen if she cut her arm while high on meth. She had heard that it reduced a persons appetite and when you crashed you slept all day. She wanted to be able to sleep all day and forget about the world. She wanted to just go away. But before she did that she would wright a few poems and maybe add a new log in the journal she kept well hidden. She pulled it out of her hiding space and opened it to a new page. She wrote down what her plan was and how she was going to control the situation. She then took the pin out of the binding and pricked her finger. She left a drop of blood on the page, then blew it until it dried. She never knew why she did that, it just seemed like something else she could control.

Mayumi began to wright down her feelings into poetry when the alarm went off. She had been annoyed when she heard the blaring fire alarms going off. Who was the dumb shit that lit something on fire, or LET catch on fire? Either way she was upset as she went outside. She was in her usual black. Black skinny-jeans with black spikes and studs. A black band tee shirt with one of her favorite bands during that day. Black high top All Stars and her black hoodie with the cat ears on the hood. She pulled the hood up over her white blond hair. She hated being out in the sun, she liked being pale. She always had. Anyway when they let then back inside she was the first human in the building. She smiled because a few of the students would enjoy their time outside before coming back in.

She sat on her bed and continued her last poem then began to put things away. She pulled out one of the three blades she had hidden in her bed. She had on of the three in her pocket, because she was going to go out after she was done and maybe do some cutting their. She hadn't pulled out the meth yet because she wanted to let it sting for a little bit before sprinkling the drugs into her system. She sat up straight then pulled the blade across her skin. She hissed at the sting and slight burn as the thin metal cut into her skin. She had formed this habit when the rest of her world was being controlled by that bitch of a step-mother. Her habits were to either harm herself, being able to control something in her life of simply just both.

She was creating another opening on her skin when the door was opened and a strange face was looking in at her. "Uh...Um...I..." She stuttered and tripped over her words. She threw her blade on the bed, and pulled down her sleeve quickly. She knew her hoodie would have to be washed as soon as possible, because she knew she had smeared blood all down her arm. She also knew that the girl who had opened her door could see the blood on the blade. "I...uh wasn't...um doing anything!" She wasent going to give the girl time to speak before she started making excuses. She stood up quickly, and tried to throw the blanket over the blade. She walked over to the strange girl. "Please shut the door and don't tell..."She pleaded, then shut the door herself. She was looking frightened, she was usually good at keeping the cutting a secret, her secret.

[JAZLYN LAISHA QI]

Rain, glorious rain, wonderful rain, warm oh so wet rain! She was singing – mentally at least – to the tune of the vulture in Ice Age 2: the Meltdown. The one that went “food, glorious food, wonderful food”? Yeah, that one. She liked movies like that, animated, classic happy endings. In a way, she liked the idea of “happily ever after” although she didn’t believe in them. She just liked the concept of having no one to break your heart or hurt you, someone that loved you unconditionally. Perfection and love, such impossible things to acquire, yet they were endlessly sought after all across the world.

And people thought she was crazy. She just had a very close friend no one else could see. She just felt people were after her. She could feel their eyes on her, watching her. Some days, she felt their guns pointed at her, highly trained assassins sent for her. She never knew what they wanted from her; did they wish to hurt her or just kill her? She couldn’t know. But it was the mysterious “they” that was the cause of her paranoia. No, she wasn’t paranoid, she reminded herself. She was cautious. She knew someone was after her, and she took the appropriate precautions to make sure they didn’t catch her off guard, didn’t slip through any crack in the armor. She made sure there was no crack in the armor.

But even as the paranoid schizophrenic she was, she didn’t expect the girl sitting on the bed cutting her arm with a sharp blade that gleamed like a diamond in the dark of the room. And then the startlingly blond girl was jumping up, trying to hide the evidence, frantic in her movements. Time seemed to slow as Alec whispered calming thoughts in her ear, holding her from behind almost protectively. It was one of the situations where she wished others could see him; he was just so cute. Protective, he was glaring over her head, straight at the girl that was pleading, so very frightened of the possibilities of exposure that Jazz posed.

Of all the things she was, however, Jazlyn wasn’t a tattle tale. Quite the opposite, she would probably end up making up an extravagant lie to protect the girl’s secret. If not out of possible friendship, then simply because she didn’t know any better. Lying was habitual for her, pathological, a problem she had encountered early and had been unable to overcome. The door shut suddenly, making her blink and step further into the room. The decoration was so different… so very different form her own room. It made Alec uncomfortable. But at least they wouldn’t know where she was. They had their eyes trained on room 008. She was in room 007. The spy room. God no. “Tell what?” the brunette questioned, looking the blonde over.

[MAYUMI FAEY KIMURA]

Mayumi blinked her bright green eyes at the brunet. Wait what did she just say...? She looked the girl over very quickly. I...Uh...Um nothing! She smiled weakly then walked back over to her bed. She sat down quietly, she was good at doing things quietly. She looked out the window into the dark rain. She let a small smile sit on her face, she enjoyed the rain. She wanted to go dance in it but first she had to stop the bleeding. She pulled up her sleeve and began to speak to the girl, "My name is Mayumi...You've seen something that...well I never wanted anyone to see...So if you want to speak to anyone then please don't tell..." Tears began to form in her eyes and her voice began to shake, "I swear I will do anything you ask. Just don't tell. At that moment she broke down into tears. Her head fell into her hands and she sobbed. She looked up at the girl after a bit of crying. "Come here." She patted the bed beside herself. Then she pealed off her jacket.

The first thing anyone noticed was how thin she was, then if you looked closer you could see the white lines that ran horizontally along her arms. She turned and held out her arms for the girl to see. She looked at the floor ashamed, of herself for being so weak. Anyone would have seen the blood smeared along her right arm, a few might have asked her if she was ok. But most people ignored her, because she was usually clean. She looked at the drying blood on her arm then stood up and pulled her jacket back on. "So now you know...I have no friends....I am a cutter....and im very thin. She began to cry again, as she was trying to wipe away the tears more just kept coming.

She looked at the girl, "You can leave now...I have to try to get the blood out of my jacked and my sheets." She had pulled back the blankets and noticed that she had gotten more blood on her sheets than she had first thought. Great she had to try to clean her sheets, her hoodie, and herself before anyone began to ask questions. She would wash her sheets first, people wouldn't ask about that right? Then she would have to wait until the next day of so to wash her hoodie, when she had more laundry to do. She should be able to shower and clean herself up without questions being asked as well right. She looked at the girl once more, staring her in the eyes. "Please your welcome to stay and wait for me. Ive just got to pull me sheets off of me bed." She began to strip her bed and talk to the stranger who had come into her room, "Why did they throw you in here? I don't think that if their isn't anything wrong with you then you should be free to leave. Sometimes I think my mother put me in here because she was worried for my safety...You've seen how well that worked. She sighed then threw her sheets on the floor. She sat on the blanket she had spread over her bed. She again patted the bed hoping the girl would sit next to her. Mayumi figured they would get along nicely.

[JAZLYN LAISHA QI]

The chick actually believed her. Jazlyn stared at her for a long moment. Few people believed anything she said anymore. That was probably because her dad and her brother had gotten used to her not telling the truth for about seventeen years. Everybody else around here was nearly as suspicious as her paranoia made her. Of course, having everyone expect lies from her amused her all the more if she actually told the truth and no one believed her then. Of course, telling the truth and not being believed because everyone was so used to her lying could also be very annoying. But then, what did she expect? She was the girl who cried wolf, from that old fable by whatever his name was. She was bad with names. The thing was, English was the only subject where names actually mattered. In history, why would they? Unless they referred to countries or groups of people, names didn’t matter, did they? In science, they didn’t matter either. Who cared that so-and-so discovered this-and-that when-and-where? Math didn’t claim names, did it? The Pythagorean theorem and other formulas might, but there weren’t questions that asked about names like the tests in history and science did.

And speaking of names, the girl was spouting out hers. Mayumi… was that Asian? The brunette watched her cautiously, feeling strangely unsure in this setting. This was a stranger. She had walked in on a stranger cutting herself, then attempting to hide the evidence, then begging for her not to tell anyone that she had seen. Weirdo. Nonetheless, she plopped down next to the girl without showing her limited discomfort. She didn’t feel any eyes on her, but she was pretty sure they were still watching her. They just wouldn’t make a move, because there was a witness. Maybe she should stick around, just to ensure her safety. But then, “they” hadn’t actually hurt her yet, in the seventeen years she’d existed. Maybe they were just stalking her? A brief grimace flickered over her expression. Stalkers. They were probably looking to blackmail her. She definitely had to be careful. Either way, she wasn’t sharing her name unless the girl – Mayumi – specifically asked for it.

But man… she didn’t like the tears. Why was she crying? An expression of pure disbelief spread over the schizophrenic’s face. Tears. Seriously? What the hell was there to be crying about? Did it hurt that much? Disbelief began to give way to disgust. No, not at the cutting, but at the sobbing. “There’s nothing to cry over,” she said, a bit harshly. Crying made people feel better, she’d heard, but honestly? There was nothing to cry about here, unless the girl was just that scared that she might tell someone. Who would she tell anyway? Most of the staff here knew of her pathological lying, and most wouldn’t believe her even if she did rat on the resident cutter. Unfortunately, the girl now cleaning off the bed didn’t know that. Jazz got off obediently, standing aside, her arms crossed. Her hoodie was just about the right mood for situation. Headless bunnies weren’t the ones she collected, but hey. The shirt and hoodie combo was cute. And if you were going to be thrown into an uncomfortable situation like this, you might as well look cute (even if fashion didn’t matter with you).

“I’m not insane, but everybody seems to think so,” Jazz said defensively, honest without having to think about it for the first time in her life. For some reason, this honesty continued as she ranted quietly, “Safety has something to do with it, I suppose. Family thinks I like fire too much, just because I blew up a garbage can on my birthday. But there’s nothing wrong with me.” Yeah, you could say she was annoyed, pissed off, not too happy to be here. Hell, she hadn’t seen her brother in months. She missed the guy. The only friend she had here was Alec, the very person everyone was so convinced didn’t exist. He existed, and she wanted to yell that to them. She wanted to able to prove her Alec existed. The thing was, how was she supposed to prove it if no one could ever see him? Sure, he wasn’t around now, but then he normally was. And even when he was, staff always claimed they couldn’t see him, that he didn’t exist. Maybe they just wanted to keep her around for financial reasons. Did they get paid for having so many insane kids at Stanfield or something?

[MAYUMI FAEY KIMURA]

Mayumi smiled at the girl, "So whats your name....I don't want to be calling you 'the girl' in my head." She wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks. Then she stood up, she walked over to her stereo and turned it on. It was one of her mix CD's. She knew it was her 'Summer Time' CD, because she had created it during her last free summer. She had gone on vacation with a friend and all these songs had been on her friends iPod. They had listened to it the whole week they were at Mayumi's cabin. She missed it, that was the most fun she had had in her whole life. Staying up late, drinking energy drinks with the star on it every day, driving the boat, swimming in the lake, going on walks. But she figured she would never get that kind of freedom ever again...She turned up the stereo and began to sing along. It was a song in German, called Sonne it was by Rammstein. She sat back down in on the bed, she smiled at the girl. "Sprechen Sie deutsch? Ich spreche etwas davon, aber ich würde viel lieber in deutscher sprache zu singen." She blushed once she realized this girl might not understand her.

She thought to herself, Are you daft girl! This poor thing knows you a cutter, and now your talking to her in another language! She stood up and looked at her, I'mm soooo sorry, sometimes I forget that not everyone can speakmultiplel languages." She walked over to her stereo to turn it down. It was just background noise at this point int time. She sat on the floor in front of the brunet, she tilted her head to the right ever so slightly. "How tall are you?" She knew she was asking crap questions, but she wanted to get to know this girl. "Hey!...Do you like fire?" She smiled wickedly. She turned her head toward the window. She had gone out and fed December every day, and today was the day she was going to give her the flea treatment and give her a bath. She was a kind cat for a stray, and she also liked water. Mayumi had found that one one night when she watched December walk into a puddle then just sit in it. She laughed at her cat, but when she came out soaking wet and dripping to rub against her leg she couldn't help but to tell December that she loved her. Mayumi dint know what kind of cat she was but she was beautiful, and she was her kind of cat.

She looked at the brunet, "Once I go get my- Once I go get something I know where we could go to play with fire." No one knew it but Mayumi had this thing, she liked to take things from people that she disliked very much and burn them. She recounted a time where she had taken a girls school photo and went to her friend Lucy's house to burn them. Both the 13 year old girls sat in Lucy's backyard and lit match after match, to lay them on the pictures. Then went through about half a box of matches. Then they played in the ashes until they got bored and Mayumi had to go home. She still had that box of matches, she hadn't had any reason to go burn things, because...Well she never did like to burn things alone. She was always with someone when she burned stuff of went off to do bad things. But she had gotten use too doing most of those things alone. It was just the burning and fire, she just never felt right if she did it alone. That is why she still had the matches. She grinned when she heard the next song, "Have you ever heard of the band Short Stack? They are from Australia...I love them!" She stood up and skipped over to her stereo. It was Ladies And Gentleman.

She sang along quietly, as she danced like a crazy person. "Ladies and gentlemen can I
Say this story seems alive away from you
We'll hope for love on hotel floors
And write a history for teens with dreamer's truths

Then he looks her in the eye
She considers hiding spades and trumps so bland
Such a crush of subtle ties
And disclaimers wish for wings, in idle hands
And he said baby jump

Oh oh oh from the hospital
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy
Oh oh oh from the hospital
We're honorary members of the red carpet academy

So wrap your lips around these lies
Just to fall in love girl, love girl, tonight
Into my arms into the sea
Just to fall in love girl, love girl, tonight..." She let her voice fade out as she fell to the floor, as she lay on her back she remembered all the posters of the 'scremo' bands that she kept hidden under her bed. She layd on the floor and laughed as the song changed to something by The Hush Sound.