lifes falling A W A Y [[NOAH;ROXY;M]]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

and i can't go on
AND I CANT EXPLAIN

”… What do you mean it’s getting worse ?" The frown on the oldest boy’s face was apparent; he was more than upset by the diagnosis. Vera, being the good little momma’s boy he was, had done everything the doctors said. He had taken all his medications, he avoided as much stress as possible (hard to do when your boyfriend and pregnant girlfriend are finding it hard to get along while you sit there, blind to their emotions) and he even made sure that he made special time for himself to relax on a daily basis. Why in the hell was it getting worse?

He felt around him for the people he held closest to his heart, though he knew that Noah was sitting across the room. After all, Vera knew he didn’t want to be there. After what happened when he was on several different kinds of pain killers-which not only killed the pain, they also killed his ability to control his anger-a few days ago, Vera knew Noah would never want to see him again. He was only there because Riona and Angeleena had forced him to go. Leena even threatened to withhold her cocaine and heroin if Noah didn’t. Vera knew that’s why he was there, and it only made him more upset than the diagnosis. He moved his hands to Roxy’s shoulders and held her close to keep himself calm, but it wasn’t really working.

”Roxy… please… you can’t sit here…” His voice was soft, distant. He could feel the anger building up in his system, and he knew that this moment of extreme-even for Vera-calm wouldn’t last forever. He blinked as his brow furrowed, trying hard to keep from hitting her. ”Oh god, Roxy please. I.. You have to go somewhere else… I…" He bit his lip, taking deep breaths. ”You.. and Noah both. Just.. please!" He closed his eyes tight, pulling his knees to his chest and crying out; he almost hit his breaking point. Without a grounding, he’d hit everything, making a mess of the room.. and the face of the doctor that was going through the chart again and again, getting the machines ready to draw blood. His last blood counts showed a dangerously high adrenaline level, and when the doctors asked something that offended him, it only got higher.

”Vera, I need you to relax for just a moment, I’m going to draw blood." The doctor’s voice was fatherly and comforting, but that only made Vera more scared. He didn’t want anything like a father around him at all at that moment, it only made him freak out more. As they hooked up the rig, Vera moaned in pain, squeezing Roxy’s shoulder slightly. ” GOD DAMMIT! ROXY! Get out of here! Please!" The boy began to convulse, it took the doctor and two nurses to hold him to the table as he thrashed and screamed, kicking his legs and clenching his fists.

”F.. FUCK!" He tried to sit up, bloodied tears streaming down his face as he kicked away from the doctor. ”LET GO OF ME!"

........
Outfit: here
Words: 500+
Tagged: roxy and noah
Lyrics: nothing for me here . dope
Notes:
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.

[ROXANNE MELANIE VAUGHN]

"its getting worse". The words echoed in her ears, her blue eyes no doubt had widened to the point of terror as her small hand felt her slight bump. Getting worse? How much worse could it get? He'd lost his fucking sight could it really get much worse on him? But then she remembered her conversation with noah and shuddered. Her eyes travelled to the boy she'd falled in love with, a few tears glistening in them. What if she lost him entirely some day? She winced at the thought.

He tugged on her and she carefully lowered the rail beside the bed, slipping onto the bed beside him and letting him hold her. She guided his hands lightly to her belly, "It'll all be okay, baby" she whispered, hiding the fear from her own voice. And it would be. It HAD to be. She couldn't do this on her own, she just couldn't. Worriedly, Roxanne looked over at the other swede, her blue eyes clouded, confused, and completely distressed. She felt the urge to puke, but she forced herself to relax. He was still tense, why wasn't the baby at least calming him? It didn't make sense. Normally he'd have relaxed and started crying, but today...today it was off. everything was off.

His words confused her, why the fuck couldn't she? she hadn't done anything. Realization crossed her face, oh...he was losing control again. She didn't know what to do. On one hand, she'd promised him she'd never, ever leave his side. no matter what he'd said she'd always be right there, holding his hand. On the other, at the time when she'd made those promises, she hadn't intended on a few things. A) she hadn't intended on having to worry about Vivvy hitting her, and B) she hadn't been noticeably pregnant with his daughter. Something inside of her knew he'd do it without thinking, never her stomach, but he'd slap her. She just couldn't though. She couldn't move, couldn't leave his side. "N-no vivvy" she said quietly.

Oh God. Roxy squirmed away some as the doctors tried to take blood, as he convulsed and kicked and screamed, she hesitantly put her hand on his arm. "Vera stop..." she whispered, almost brokenly. "Vera please they're trying to help..." she swallowed hard, trying to prevent the tears that threatened to spill. She moved out of the way ever so slightly, never moving from his side. "P-please Vera...for Maja?" she tried one last time, hesitantly kissing his cheek. "Please let them work..." she braced herself, not really sure how he'd react to her proximity. She could tell by the look in his sightless eyes that he wasn't himself right now, that anything he did wasn't him. And she reminded herself that, over and over and over again. She knew she couldn't hold anything he said or did against him ever. Not that she really would or even could to begin with. She touched his arm, pleading with her eyes and begging in her head for him to calm.

Why was this happening? Why had things started to fall into place and then slowly made there way into the wrong positions? Probably for the same fucked reason she was even part of his life, because he fucked up one night and slept with the quiet little blond with too many problems to count. The same stupid little blond that earlier that day had slit open a few more cuts and drank half a cup of whiskey behind her boyfriends back. The same blond who absolutely, irrevocably, hated herself for ruining something so pure and beautiful. Had she not been pregnant, had she not promised Vera to protect the small child inside her womb, Roxy'd have doen much worse then just cut herself by now. Her eyes looked guiltily over to Noah, then slowly back to Vera. "I'm sorry" she mumbled too quietly for either of them to hear.

words ||656
tagged || vivvy and nono
outfit || here
credit || template to RAWR of caution (Or me ;]) , lyrics to Marianas trench

[NOAH LUKAS HENRIKSSON]

BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU BURNT OUT
(found yourself in her arms somehow)

Noah sat back from Vera and Roxy. He felt so out of place here it was unbelievable. He didn’t feel like part of their little family. He knew he was nothing to little baby Maja no matter what both her parents argued. Roxxy called him Uncle NooNoo when talking to Maja about him, it stung but he would never say anything. He wasn’t related to this baby, he never would be. Perhaps it was his fault they were all here now. If he had ended it when he had first found out the girl was pregnant then maybe he could have saved everyone here. There would have been no fighting and everything would be better.

The blonde’s eyes were fixed on the black leather that made up his cowboy boots. He couldn’t bear to move his gaze up to the other 3 people in the room. The boy he had given his heart too was angry. It terrified him. The anger that seethed from the boy was evident. It was beginning to unhinge the younger blonde. His mind was beginning to drift again.
The sound of his own screaming filled his head. It was loud and screeching and soon it filled the whole room. Noah pulled his legs up close to him, covering his ears with his hands trying to block out the sound. He scrunched his eyes tight shut but that only made it worse. It was then the images came. It came in flashes, fast and painful. Vera was on top of him forcing his tongue in to his mouth. It was only there for a second before it disappeared and everything was black again.

Noah was finally able to pull his gaze up to the people in front of him. The doctor’s words were the first thing to hit him. Vera was getting worse. It was like a stab to some sacred place inside him. Oh how he loved that boy. He would never wish any wrong on him. He held in his tears, now was not practical. He could see Roxy trying to calm Vera, wondering if he should try and intervene.

Vera was hitting out now, scream at Roxy to move. Noah got up; a look of sheer terror in his pale eyes. “V..Vera calm down please, you’re not doing anyone any favours.”

_{(and i get what is left)
ASHES OF A CIGARETTE}

notes} sorry its soo shitty, next one will be better
tagged} roxxy, vera
words} 388
outfit}
credit} song is ashes by Christen Sawyer template to RAWR!? of caution.[/sub]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

and i can't go on
AND I CANT EXPLAIN

With Roxy’s calming voice, Vera found it impossible to stay angry. He didn’t stop panicking, but the convulsions and the thrashing stopped. After all, he wasn’t going to hurt her. His hand looked for hers, and for a moment while they drew blood, everything was wonderful. The nurses kept holding him to keep him from punching the young, pregnant girl in a fit of blind rage. Tears stung his eyes; he didn’t want to get worse. He needed to be there for Roxy and Noah and Maja. He needed to be OK for his girls and his boy. He finally managed to calm down as Noah spoke, and he bit his lip to keep from yelling at the younger boy. The last thing Vera wanted was to be angry. He could tell just how scared Noah was… and Noah clearly had a good reason. After all, Vera was afraid of himself, too.

When another doctor stepped in, though, Vera tensed again. His breath stopped, he knew who this doctor was. After a long and almost awkward silence, the man spoke with a cheery voice. “There’s my little Hulk!” He moved to Vera and playfully punched him in the arm, and that there set him off.

”LITTLE HULK? THAT’S ALL I AM TO YOU? YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS, NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THIS?” He pushed the nurses off of his body, bolting up and grabbing onto the doctor’s shirt, pulling him close. “I’ll motherfucking SHOW you hulk smash.” He hissed, grabbing behind the doctor’s head and slamming him against the examining table, his forceful motions sending blood rushing out of the man’s nose before he even hit the metal. Vera’s deep blue eyes shone with an intense evil, he wasn’t himself at all. He slammed the man’s head down again. “THIS IS WHAT I FEEL EVERY GOD DAMNED FUCKING DAY!” And again. “The only thing I can fucking see now…” one more time, “is my drunken father beating my helpless mother to death. I’LL FUCKING SHOW YOU HULK!” He didn’t know anyone was in the room now, and as it was, he didn’t care. He pushed the man away from him, tears streaming down his face.


He didn’t know what had just happened, and he probably wouldn’t for a while now. The nurses were afraid to even go near Vera now; the only person left that was close was Roxy… He looked towards her, his eyes wide in confusion. “W.. what… what... what is this blood..?”

........
Outfit: here
Words: 500+
Tagged: roxy and noah
Lyrics: nothing for me here . dope
Notes:
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.

[ROXANNE MELANIE VAUGHN]

Roxannes eyes darted to the sweedish boy, gesturing for him to come stand beside her. Vera wasn't her lover, of course...she did love him. More then she'd ever loved anything or anyone. But he only loved the baby inside her stomach, she was just his mistake. Noah had been his first love, noah was still his only love. She squirmed a little, turning her eyes back to the boy before her. She kissed his jaw, whispering that he'd be okay softly beneath her breath.

And then in came the doctor. She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but Vera beat her to it. She gasped loudly at the tone in his voice, her blue eyes darting to know as her legs shook slightly. She leaned against the table beside Vera's bed, breathing deeply, "V-vivvy...s-stop..." she stuttered, her eyes watering. As he began to beat the doctor, Roxy's stomach churned. She wouldn't leave...but...She reached for the garbage can, pulling it close enough that the vomit that gagged her could slip out. She slid to her knees and gripped the plastic heavily as she heaved.

She knew that if she where any further along she'd have gone into labour, she was surprised that Maja hadn't tried anything other then this. Her stomach hurt, she gasped softly, leaning back against the dresser. She closed her eyes slightly, knowing it wasn't anythign to worry about. That the discomfort was normal. She cradled her belly and carefully forced herself up off the floor. "V-vera" she said quietly, his innocent, sightless, eyes looked so lost. So confused. "T-that...thats the doctors blood" she said quietly, looking at her hands. "The doctor that you just...you..." she couldn't finish her sentence, instead she just took a deep breath and squirmed a bit.

words ||400
tagged || vivvy and nono
outfit || here
credit || template to RAWR of caution (Or me ;]) , lyrics to Marianas trench

[/quote]

[NOAH LUKAS HENRIKSSON]

BUT THE TRUTH IS YOU BURNT OUT
(found yourself in her arms somehow)

The youngest in the room, other than little Maja of course, edged towards the other two. He took the spot he should have always been standing in. The spot beside Vera’s bed, the spot right beside Roxy. One of his pale hands took a slight hold of the bed sheet Vera was on. The soft material comforted him slightly. He watched as the Nurses took his lovers blood and Vera held his other lovers hand. The look of utter bliss on Vera’s face made him happy. A warm feeling spread across his body. The Doctors had just told him he was getting worse so the little smile was almost a god send.

Of course happiness doesn’t last forever. The doctor called Vera the hulk. As soon as those words escaped his lips Noah knew this was going to get messy. He wasn’t sure whether it was better to let him vent his rage or step in now and try and calm him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Roxxy. She was getting ill again. He watched her dive for the bucket. He quietly went over. The blonde wrapped one arm around her softly; trying to comfort her. Noah rubbed her back softly “Roxxy, breathe, in and out in and out. Your stressing yourself, it’s not good for Maja.” He turned just at the wrong moment. All he could see was Vera punching and kicking the doctor that was only trying to help him. He could see the blood flowing from the doctor’s nose. It scared him. The Swede shook his head as the sound of screaming tried to find its way back in.

He tried so hard to comfort the pregnant girl, eventually he had to let her go. Vera has calmed down now. Noah could see the look of sheer and utter confusion in his eyes. It broke his heart. He heard him asking what the blood was for. He heard Roxxy not wanting to answer the question, Vera had a right to know. Noah edged closer to Vera, slowly but surely. He would finish her sentence. “The..The doctor you just beat up…”

_{(and i get what is left)
ASHES OF A CIGARETTE}

notes} hopefully a lil better
tagged} roxxy, vera
words} 358
outfit}
credit} song is ashes by Christen Sawyer template to RAWR!? of caution.[/sub]

[V3RA SCOTT AX3LSSON]

and i can't go on
AND I CANT EXPLAIN

Vera looked toward them both in disbelief. He really just... Oh god. He didn't say anything, he just sat there in the realization that he had managed to cause another human so much pain and misery. It wasn't like Vera. It wasn't him at all. Vera would never do this. Vera was the sweetest, most adorable boy ever... who was sent to Stanfield because of his severe OCD and Anger Management issues. Vera was… a monster. He hugged his knees close to his chest, snaking one of his hands to Noah’s. "I never wanted to do this." If anyone believed that Vera’s heart was pure gold, it would be Noah. His Kackerlacka. Only the two Swedish boys would find that adorable. His face was blank, expressionless as he looked toward the nurses, who he didn’t know had left the room. "The medicines I’m on… I.. I have no control, please… I… I didn’t mean to." He plead to invisible people, the delusions were starting back up again. He felt like a helpless child as he looked forward, where the doctor was standing, shaking in fear of the thin blind boy on the table, whose blue eyes were full or remorse for what he had just done.

"Mamma is so mad at me now… I have become the man I have wanted to keep her safe from." He looked even further down, touching the top of his head. He deserved their hatred, Noah’s and Roxxy’s, so why were they still in there with him? He didn’t deserve their love, so why did they still want to be with him? His blind eyes turned to the only source of light, and already his delusional state was blocking it out. That scared him more, he didn’t want to lash out at them and permanently block them out. "I don’t want to hurt you… I never did." He looked down at his hands, touching them to his cheeks. They were covered in blood, how badly did he beat the doctor? He wished with all his heart that he could see the damage, that he could make everything better.

Vera stood up off of the bed, sighing softly. "I’m a monster, I don’t deserve your love, either of you." His hands were shaking. He wanted, no, he needed to get as far away from them as possible. He didn’t want to hurt them.

........
Outfit: here
Words: 500+
Tagged: roxy and noah
Lyrics: nothing for me here . dope
Notes:
Vera's emotions: DX
Credit: RAWR?! of cautionalso known as kali of nevermore. do not remove credit.