SUSUME, tavius kaito

[TAVIUS K. SUSUME]

TAVIUS K. SUSUME

your words rip and tear
and through my heart so weak and pure
i find myself
wanting to die!

i bleed for the second time tonight
holding the love thats in my mind!
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HAI THURRR~ MY NAME IS COOKIE and I HAIL FROM NEVER NEVER LAND! AREN'T YOU JEALOUS ;] YOU CAN CONTACT ME BY BABYBITCH <3. OH, AND I'VE BEEN ROLEPLAYING FOR YOUR ASS NOW!

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* / FULL NAME

[/b] tavius kaito susume
* / NICKNAMES[/b] tav ; sparrow ; dorei ; tavvy ; nii-san ; aniki ; yariman ; kaito-bunshin
* / AGE[/b] seventeen
* / GENDER[/b] male
* / JOB[/b] ex-"whore"
* / SEXUALITY[/b] a-sexual homosexual
* / MEMBER GROUP[/b] nobody - because he fits in both emo and musician <3
* / CONDITIONS[/b]
aphensophosmphobia [sp?] - "d-don't touch me! no! get away!"
schizophrenia - "nonono, no more! he's here! i can hear him! i can see him!"
sleep terrors - "i dream about it all the time... i dream about it all... i can't forget it..."
insomnia - "i'm too scared to sleep. he'll come for me, i know it."
lack of appitite - "i can't eat... i'm too scared... i don't want to... don't make me, please?"
severely suicidal- "they won't let me die... no one will... it hurts... so-so bad..."
cutter - "it helps, with the pain. the pain of remembering. i-it makes it all go away..."
depression - "i... have nothing left to be happy for... why bother? they... they don't need me..."
severe paranoia - "i-i panic... badly... a-and i can't breath, or see, o-or move or hear right..."
* / FACE CLAIM[/b] tomohisa yamashita a.k.a "yamapi" [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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* / LIKES

[/b]
- music - "it's my life, i love it. i've always had music, long before i had yami or sune-kun..."
- singing - "i-i've been told i'm a good singer... l-like my tou-san..."
- dancing - "kaa-san could dance... papa-san said i got it off her..."
- blood - "i-i like to bleed... it lets me remember i-i'm still here... that i still have to die..."
- being alone - "i-i like being alone... then no one can t-touch me..."
- boys - "th-they're still cute... even now..."
- men - "i-i still like them... they just... scare me now..."
- misaku - "my baby sister... so sweet... there's nothing wrong wth her... she's perfect..."
- yamato - "yami... my little brother.. h-he... has some... quirks... but i still love him..."
- sune - "h-he might not love m-me anymore... i don't know... but i love him..."
- mika - "i-i owe him... so much... h-he saved me from kazuki... h-he's going to look after mika f-for me... and he's trying to make yami and me better..."
- rememebering his parents sometimes - "i-i like remembering the good times with them... i-i miss them..."
- drawing - "i-i'm not very good... but i still like it..."
- writing songs - "i... i just continue on from kage's work... he started them a long time ago.. b-but he's dead now... s-so..."
- poetry - "i like poems... they make me happy... sometimes... a little anyway..."
* / DISLIKES[/b]
- being touched - "i-i hate it... it scares me..."
- the dark - "i-it only reminds me of that room... i-i can't... no!"
- noa - "i-it's all his fault! i-it's his fault i-i'm like this... t-teishu..."
- remembering his parents sometimes - "remembering them... it hurts a lot sometimes..."
- rape - "he did that to me... teishu... a-and so did yami a-and kazuki..."
- talking about what happened to him - "b-but no one else can know that... ok?"
- kazuki - "h-he use to hurt me..."
- crowded places - "s-someone might touch me... i..."
- not getting better - "i-it's horrible... i-i think i failed when i don't get better..."
- takuya - "my uncle... i watched him kill tou-san... i-i was only four..."
* / POSITIVE TRAITS[/b]
- sweet - "i-i don't like being mean... i can't be mean..."
- gentle - "i can't stand the thought of someone else hurting.. especially not how i hurt..."
- kind - "i may be scared of being touched... but that doesn't mean i'm not nice..."
- caring - "i do care about people, i really do... l-like people care for me..."
- talented singer - "a-apparently i can sing... my friends and i... we made a band once... before everything went wrong..."
- talented dancer - "i use to practise everyday... i wanted to be good like kaa-san..."
- quiet - "i-i don't like talking much... because then... people might come close to me a-and... yeah..."
- good listener - "i like to listen to people though... people and music..."
* / NEGATIVE TRAITS[/b]
- too quiet sometimes - "sometimes when i don't talk... people get angry... it makes me feel bad when they do..."
- fearful around older males - "he made me s-scared of them... because he is older..."
- paranoid behaviour - "p-people sometimes get angry because i act paranoid a-and stuff..."
- often trails off in japanese - "japanese is my f-first language... s-sometimes i feel safer talking to myself in japanese..."
- forgets his english - "w-when i get scared and things... i... forget to speak english.. a-and i forget i know it... and stuff..."
- won't let anyone see what he writes or draws - "they are private... my things..."
- depressive - "i get down a lot... very badly down..."[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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* / HOMETOWN

[/b] kyoto, japan
* / PARENTS[/b]
taylia sabaku, deceased.
kaito susume, deceased.
* / SIBLINGS[/b]
yamato "yami" susume, fifteen, freshie here.
misaku sabaku, thirteen.
* / OTHER FAMILY[/b]
step-father: kankuro sabaku, 30, insane.
uncle: takuya uchizu, 31
ex-guardian: kazuki rode, 30, jailed.
misa's guardian: mika ichio, 26.
"boyfriend?": sume-kusai orochi, 20.
ex-boss/rapist: noa takeshi, 30-35.
* / HISTORY[/b] "i suppose i should tell you about.. well me. i-i don't want to... but i will... mika said telling people might make me better... maybe.

i was born in kyoto, japan. my parents were very young at the time, only just fifteen. but they loved me anyway. my father, who was left with nothing after being abandoned by his family as an infant, and my mother who only had her older brother and two distant cousins as family alive. they provided for me themselves, with a little help from family or friends. they doted on me, and loved me. to them i was perfect. to me, life was perfect.

when i was two my father got mixed with the wrong crowd and my parents split up, a short while later my half brother was born, his mother died at birth. my mother, who still loved my father, took them both back in. for two years we lived happily, my father sparked up a relationship with my godfather, and my mother with a friend of theirs. life was good, i knew they were both happy and saw nothing wrong with what they were doing. but obviously, something had been wrong.

june 14th, just a few months after my fourth birthday, i watched as my uncle takuya murdered my father. to this day, i still don't know why. but there's no proof he did it. only my word against his, and i'm crazy now so who would believe me. my mother saw it to. she was pregnant at the time to, my half-sister misaku was born two days later, a month early. she nearly died. my mothers attention became focused on her, leaving me and my half-brother with our godfather, kazuki rode.

kazuki was cruel to me, because i looked just like my father. he abused me when we stayed with him,but i put up with it, never said a word against him. i let myself suffer in silence. i was the oldest after all, i had to look after my mother and siblings, so then my step-father only had to look after me.

i was about six years old when my mother died. it hurt, a lot. i may not have seen her die, or even have sen her dead, but it really hurt, because now i was an orphan. now me and my siblings lived with my step-father. he was very kind to us, he looked after us carefully and properly by day, not even giving himself much time to mourn. he never wanted to make us sad.

but then, i made him sad. when i was seven i began doing drugs. even then i knew it was wrong, but i still did it. my brother, yamato, he began doing drugs when he was eight. by then, i'd got a "job". i felt like i had to, so kankuro wouldn't know about the drugs. i was ten then, when i began working for noa. i was a dancer in his club.

yamato never joined there. but when he was nine, we all watched a boy die. we were all high. i had dared everyone to... i can't even remember now. but whatever the dare, this boy had ended up dead. he wasn't one of us, and no one knows who killed him. but i blamed myself. it was my fault he died. so, from then on i quit the drugs, instead sending the money i earned to the boy's family.

my brother, yamato, had a psychotic break-down that day. after that, kankuro sent us to live with kazuki, unable to handle us. next i'd heard from him was that he'd booked himself into an asylum after his own break down. he's been in there ever since. my brother never stopped the drugs, but my friends and i did. instead we focused on our job - we all worked there.

there was four of us as friends - me, ryu, chacilla and kage. we were always together, we had been friends for years. they'd seen me break down, and kage had even ran away from home to stay with us. other boys came along to and made friends with us, kage in particular. but they were mostly normal. noa wasn't interested in them. he wanted me. when i was fourteen, he 'promoted' me to strip dancer, one who offered 'private' dances.

he basically began using me as his personal whore. then, not long before my fifteenth birthday, he kidnapped me and locked me in a room in a warehouse. He took my clothes away from me and left me tied up and naked fo a whole year. in that year he, and other guys who either paid or he owed favours to, came and raped me. it was then i stopped eating. i refused it. i didn't want to eat anything. i just wanted to die.

it was then when i mentally broke down. that had been the last of my teather. by the time i had escaped and got out of hospital, i found out that kage had died.i was completely broken when i tried to kill myself. mika found me. i told him about kage, and noa and kazuki - and even how yami had begun doing things to me before noa kidnapped me.

mika got kazuki jailed and had yamato sent here. they never found noa to arrest him. however, mika found i never got better, not even when misaku or sune tried to help me, so instead he sent me hear to, having heard that yamato was apparently doing well...

so after a year of trying in japan to get better, i've arrived here... maybe i can get better now...?""[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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[MAMMA MIA!]

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